I found myself in a situation today that shook me up a bit. It had me reflecting on trust, when it’s broken and why it’s so important to recover from these painful experiences. I’ve been giving a lot of myself over the last couple years to support others. It’s something that has felt good and I get enjoyment from. While many of these people have become great friends and/or colleagues and the relationships are true and lasting, a couple have gone sour. Promises have been broken, genuine caring has been replaced with artificial sentiments that only show up when something is needed, and feelings have been hurt. I have been more open with my trust over the last few years than ever before an honestly, I feel a bit used. I am fully aware that my feelings are my responsibility and I get to choose how things affect me. I believed myself when I said, “I’m over it”, but the hurt was still affecting me and I didn’t realize it.
Awareness is key.
How do I know I haven’t gotten past these hurts and broken trust? Something happened today, something a quick conversation could have remedied. But that’s not what happened. I questioned someone I trust completely. I actually let myself doubt her intentions when every fiber of my being knows she would never knowingly do what I was thinking she might have done. Sounds a bit complicated, but it’s not. You see it became obvious later that I had my full body armor on for protection as a result of some recent hurts. I’ve had lots of practice in this area and do it well. I would close up and keep people at arm’s length. This has been a long time pattern however it’s been mostly dormant for about 5 or 6 years as I’ve learned it doesn’t serve me. Whether it’s reliving some old patterns while writing the book, or just the plain fear of being hurt, the armor was on again. Once I was aware of my reaction, I chose to really dig in to the issue and take the armor off.
Why the sudden decision to remove armor that’s protecting me? It’s tough and it’s easy at the same time. When we are wearing armor, it may (or may not) protect us from getting hurt, but it also prevents us from great opportunities, experiences and meeting great people. It may feel like it’s providing safety from rejection, criticism, and hurt, but it’s doing more harm than good. It turns out this situation of mine started with a misunderstanding before I was even involved. It was all pretty crappy and yet I’m so grateful because it brought to light an area that needed my attention. I don’t know about you but I will take the hurts to gain one meaningful relationship. I can deal with the criticism to feel the absolute joy of knowing my message has empowered someone to make a positive change in their life.
Have you found your trust in someone or something broken? Have you truly put it behind you? It’s amazing how long we can allow a break in trust to affect us. If you too have protective gear on from broken trust or anything else that’s holding you back, I encourage you to be brave and take it off.
Does it suck to feel hurt? Sure it does!
Can it feel risky to keep the armor off in times of pain? YOU BET!
Is it worth it to put yourself out there again for all the great people and experiences waiting for you? Heck ya it is!!
You deserve to experience all life has to offer. If you’re having a tough time removing your armor but ready to take it off, contact me at lauren@myfocusnowcoach.com.
This was so true. I could relate to your story in situations of my own. Thank you for that reassurance and reminder to take the armour off, and be open to new relationships that serve me.