React or Respond? Why It’s Essential to Keep a Level Head When Things Don’t Go as Planned

It’s no question that as you journey through life, you’re going to face obstacles—both professionally and personally. Sometimes those obstacles can feel like major setbacks that leave you feeling like a failure. However, how you handle the setback can help you keep a level head and make all the difference.

When faced with something that didn’t turn out as planned, you can either react or respond. A reaction is an emotional response. It’s instinctual. However, a response is a conscious choice.

To put this into perspective, think about how you would want a first responder—a firefighter, paramedic, or police officer—to approach an emergency. Would you want them to come in with their emotions running high when they’re making life-saving decisions? Most likely not. Emotions cloud their judgment. Instead, you want them to rely on their training, using strategies to keep a level head and respond to the emergency with logic and reason.

What happens when you react when things don’t go as planned:

• You Play the Blame Game

You go into defensive mode. You see yourself as the victim. It’s someone else’s fault or the situation’s fault, but it’s not yours. On the one hand, when you play the blame game, you absolve yourself of any responsibility. Playing the victim frees you from the guilt or feelings of failure you may endure when things don’t go as planned. On the other hand, you give up your power to effectively take charge to fix the problem.

• You Lose Control

Sometimes reacting when something doesn’t go as planned causes you to decide in haste when your emotions have the better of you. Whether you’re feeling anger, fear, or insecurity, reacting to a situation doesn’t allow you to see the big picture or create a plan with a clear head. As a result, you lose control—of your emotions and of your decisions. The problem snowballs and gets bigger and bigger. It becomes so overwhelming you feel might want to give up. When you lose control, you might say or do something you cannot take back. Relationships suffer and sometimes end in these circumstances.

• You Get Distracted by Shiny Objects

When you are in the emotional state of reacting, fixes that appear to be shiny, quick fixes that promise to make everything right again become appealing. These ‘shiny objects’ are often merely distractions from the true problem that lies beneath. They boast of being “easy” or “quick” solutions to get you closer to your goal. I have nothing against easy or quick solutions as I love them both! However,  in these reactionary circumstances, the solutions usually provide a surface level fix that disappears when the road gets rocky, and, often, they can lead to bigger problems down the road. When we are in the state of reaction, we are not likely to make are best long term decisions.

Reacting neither helps nor fixes the obstacles you face. Many times it makes things worse! However, it’s totally possible to remove the emotional aspect of a situation and respond with a conscious choice. I’m not saying it will be easy, but totally possible. By committing to responding, you will achieve better results—less stress, more success—because you remain in control.

Here’s why responding helps you keep a level head:

• You Give Power to Choice

  You have the power to decide the best plan of action to rectify the situation. Taking the time to respond puts you in the driver’s seat. Therefore, you face situations with the mindset that even if something doesn’t go right, you can create a new path or find a different solution to reach your destination. The other thing to note is when these unexpected situations involve other people, they are more likely to listen to you when you are calm and providing logical solutions.

• You’re Able to Weigh Your Options

When you take the time to respond to a situation, you remain level-headed. You can see the big picture. Your decision isn’t rash or made with haste. You’re using logic and reason to make the best decision you can at that moment. As a result, you’ll likely see a better outcome, and you can always adjust the sails if your choice ends up not taking where you want to go.

• You’re Open to Accepting Help

You recognize that you may not have all the answers you need to remedy the situation appropriately. That’s okay. When you give yourself the time and space to respond to an obstacle, you’re able to lay out the best plan of action. Sometimes that means seeking help when you don’t have the answers.

• You’re Able to Align Your Decision with Your Goals

  When emotions run high, you’re not likely to consider how your decision affects your long term goals. Getting into the frame of mind  to respond when something doesn’t go as planned allows you to reset and refocus with your goals in mind.

Effectively responding to a situation takes time and space to come down from your reaction to move beyond your emotions. Responding requires you to think logically and rationally. Often it requires you to process your initial reaction before you can effectively respond. How do you do this? It can be as quick as a few deep breaths, a short walk or you may need a day to sleep on it. The key here is to make sure you feel grounded and emotionally stable before moving forward.

So how about you? Do you tend to react or respond to those unexpected scenarios? If you’d like some strategies to move from reaction to response when something doesn’t go as planned, let’s talk! Email me at lauren@coachwithlauren.com.