Do you feel like you’re constantly confronted with people who lack authenticity? Scroll through Facebook or Instagram: how many pictures do you see of people at their worst? Instead, you see perfect children, immaculate houses, and fantastic adventures.
While those are fun to see, you rarely see the behind the scenes versions of those moments. You don’t see the tantrums. You don’t see all the hard work, the struggles, the worries, or the imperfections of people’s lives captured in the moments they choose to share. But, if their lives are anything like mine, you know they’re there.
Being authentic—being the real you—can be a struggle. It was for me. I spent most of my childhood being a chameleon. I wanted to fit in, so I altered the “me” I projected to the world to fit into the role I thought everyone else wanted me to be. As a result, no one, myself included, ever saw the real me.
What causes inauthenticity?
For me, it was a desire to fit in, to be accepted. While being a chameleon served me well for years, it drained my energy and made me feel more lost than ever. When I finally faced it, I found that it stemmed from a fear of rejection. It wasn’t just a fear being rejected by others if I showed them the real me, but also a rejection of myself. I found that I molded into what others wanted me to be because I didn’t like or accept the real me.
I know I’m not alone here. This is something I hear from clients all the time—the fear of rejection or criticism and the desire to fit in. Instead of trusting that your real self is always best, you put on a mask and project whatever it is you think others want from you. Sound familiar?
As a result, you go through life not being true to yourself. You may end up doing things that you don’t really want to do, and you never allow yourself to learn who you truly are. By not showing the real you, you keep people at arm’s length. You don’t let anyone get too close.
By concealing the real you, you miss out on living your life.
I believe everyone craves authenticity. However, hiding your real self makes it difficult to have a meaningful existence.
Think about the times in your life that feel most meaningful—maybe a memory from childhood, the birth of a child, an intimate relationship, a heartfelt note, or a conversation with a friend. Why do those moments stand out as meaningful?
Because, in those moments, you find real authenticity. They have the ability to rock you, shake you, or move you at your core—and they’re real. They’re those moments when you’ve felt most alive. It feels right. It feels good. Those moments feel so true that is has a profound impact on you.
Empower Yourself by Being More Authentic
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Understand Yourself
The more real you are with yourself, the more you can begin to understand yourself. You build insights, values, and beliefs based on who you are at your core. You understand what kinds of relationships are good for you and which ones aren’t. You’re able to set boundaries to keep yourself in alignment with what you want. You honestly and confidently set out to achieve your hopes, dreams, and desires. Understanding yourself empowers you to live a more fulfilling life.
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Build Genuine Connections
Being authentic creates an honest line of communication. By allowing people to see the real you, they can appreciate your strengths, and you can be honest about your weaknesses. You allow vulnerability in relationships. When you take off the mask, you open yourself up to deeper, honest relationships.
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Be Vulnerable and Gain Respect
Being vulnerable can be hard. When we allow others to see our imperfections, it puts us at risk of rejection and criticism. It feels much safer to hide them than it does to put them on blast for the world to see. Why do you think we don’t see any of them on Instagram? Here’s the thing: we all have things about ourselves that we wish we could change. I do, you do, the woman you just passed at the store does. Instead of fighting your imperfections, accept them. Be real and honest about them. The people who matter will respect you more, and the people who don’t—well, who cares.
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Increase the Meaningful Moments
Those meaningful moments don’t have to be few and far between. They don’t have to be major life moments either. A smile, a touch, a hummingbird, a song, a sunrise or sunset—even the simplest moments are meaningful when you accept, love, and share the real you.
When it comes to authenticity, your real self is your best self. Always!
Does your fear hold you back from being authentic with yourself and others? Let’s talk! Email me at lauren@coachwithlauren.com.