The Benefits of Asking For Help

Does the idea of asking for help feel icky?  I know it did for me….for years!

This is a topic many people find challenging. It’s not the easiest thing to do, asking for help. For me the big deal was having someone think I’m needy, or that I’m too weak to get things done on my own. I didn’t want to lose the appearance of being strong and independent.

Has asking for help always been this hard?

No!  It definitely wasn’t something we were born with. Think about the young kids in your life. They are constantly asking for help. They don’t think twice about it. That is how they learn and grow. And of course as adults, parents, and teachers, we are always happy to help them.

When Did that Change? 

I know where it changed for me. When I was younger, my mom and I had a very interesting relationship. And as much as I loved her, she had this quality of being very lazy. If she needed something, it didn’t matter if it was right next to her, she would call someone else over to do it. I was constantly doing things for her. It was very frustrating. I remember telling myself when I was younger that I will never be a burden on people like that. I am never going to ask for help. I am going to do everything myself. It was really a moment in time when I was a teenager that I can identify that belief showing up. I became that independent person who just did everything. I didn’t want to put pressure on anyone else to feel like they had to say “yes” when they didn’t want to. I just stopped asking for help from others. Instead, I did it myself. This created some issues. It became exhausting always moving. I couldn’t stop. Even when I wanted help, I would never ask. This do, do, do, go, go, go mentality landed me in the hospital from stress twice before I was 30.

A Mindset Shift 

Some pretty big events happened in my life that required I accept help.  It’s the 2×4 effect in action for me.  Why does it take a 2×4 in the forehead for me to learn this stuff?  That’s another topic for later.  Being forced to accept help taught me why it’s important to get comfortable asking for it.

Here are 4 benefits I’ve identified as a result of asking for and receiving help.

1. It encourages growth. It was like that when we were children asking for help. The same applies to when we are adults.
2. It’s a sign of courage. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is you stepping up and saying, “Hey, this is what I need.” It takes courage to ask for what you need. Having courage will empower you to create even better things moving forward.
3. It develops and builds relationships. This one has become most obvious to me most recently as I’ve had surgery in the past month. I have been very, very dependent on other people for the last month. What I’ve noticed is that when you ask someone for help is that it allows them to feel needed. I’m an independent person and I like to do things for myself when I can. I needed my husband, Jeremy, to do everything for me for the last full three weeks, even the simplest tasks. I am starting to get a little more mobile. I can get myself in to the shower by myself. When he came to assist me, I said, “Nope, I have it.” He then said, “Oh, you don’t need me anymore?” The way that he said those words hit me. It made me realize how he was enjoying feeling needed. He was being fulfilled being able to help me.  Another example is our church community insisted on bringing meals after I was released from the hospital. When we thanked them, each person in return thanked us for letting them help. Wow!
4. It will set you free. When you get help, even for the small things, you set yourself free. It allows you to do less and focus on what you want to focus on. You are no longer a one man/woman show.  You no longer have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.  The burden feel lighter.  Whew!!

Receive to Give

The more you let people help you the better they feel about themselves and what they are able to contribute. When you ask for advice from people, you are letting them know that you respect them. When you ask for opinions you are telling someone you value both their opinion and them as people. The only way someone can give is if someone receives. One doesn’t work without the other. I know you. You love to give. Now it’s time to let someone give to you.

Take Action

Is there something that you need or want help with in business or in your personal life? It could be physical, emotional, spiritual, or something else. It could be big or it might be small. I challenge you to ask someone for help. Allow them to give a gift to you. You both deserve that.

If you’d like to discuss how working with me can help you in different areas, please drop me a note at lauren@myfocusnowcoach.com.  Let’s talk!