I’m going to venture a guess that you’ve said things to yourself that you’d never say to another person. I know because being my own worst critic I’ve gotten pretty nasty with myself. We all have an inner critic which is where the negative self-talk comes from.
A small amount of self-criticism can be a good thing and spark us to improve ourselves. Too much can be damaging. When we focus on the negative, we end up feeling more stressed, ashamed, or depressed. The first step is to determine if your inner critic is telling you something valuable, something you can improve on. For example, your critic says, “You will never have enough money for that vacation.” Is there a valuable message perhaps that you should evaluate your budget and find ways to save the money? If not, if it’s just negative chatter, silence your inner critic with these techniques:
1. What would your best friend say?
If you called your best friend and asked for their input on what the inner critic said, what would they say? More often than not, the answer is less harsh than what we tell ourselves. You might tell yourself that a particular decision could ruin your life but a best friend would tell you to put it in perspective, fix it, and move forward. That’s exactly what you should tell yourself to edge the critic out.
2. Would you say that to a friend?
Don’t say it to yourself if you wouldn’t say it to a friend. Along the same lines, don’t talk to yourself any differently than you would talk to a friend. Spilling coffee on your shirt on the way to work doesn’t make you stupid and clumsy but that’s what you told yourself. You wouldn’t say that to a friend, so don’t say that to yourself.
3. Name the inner critic.
I call mine Negative Nellie. (If your name is Nellie, please don’t take this personally.) Others use The Gremlin, The Nag, and other colorful names. Naming the inner critic makes it less serious when they show up. “Nellie is here again,” brings a lighter feeling to what could be a stressful situation. It also creates a disconnect between yourself and the thoughts and words being spoken.
After all, do you really care what a fictional character says about you? Before you realize it, The Gremlin will shut down and you will be back to your confident self.
4. Put a Possibility Spin on it, or Trade Up.
Going from a negative to a positive extreme is too much for many people to believe. Instead, I recommend that you trade up. Turn a negative into a positive, something that is believable. For example, when your inner critic says that you’re a procrastinator and you will never get caught up, a trade up is telling yourself that you’re running behind and will start with the most important action first and move on to the next. Going from absolutes to possibility thinking shuts down the inner critic.
Finding ways to deal with our inner critic and squash negative self-talk is essential to making positive changes in our lives.
If your self-talk is dragging you down, it’s time to contact me, Lauren Holder, at 602-228-1019 or email lauren@myfocusnowcoach.com to discuss ways to silence the inner critic.