Self-doubt is one of the biggest factors that hinders you from accomplishing your goals.
You doubt your skills, your intelligence, your abilities and even yourself. Thus, the fear of failure is always looming. By hanging onto self-doubt, you hold yourself back and make excuses for why you can’t achieve what you want.
One of the excuses I hear most often is: “Once I feel more confident I can do ___________.”
Confidence is not a prerequisite to doing something. It’s a result.
Before I dive in, I want to differentiate two types of confidence. First, there is self-confidence. This is simply knowing that no matter what happens, you can get through it. It is similar to self-trust. Without this belief, it will be much harder to take action as you’ll be expecting a guaranteed result of success before doing something. How often does that happen?
The confidence I’m referring to, that’s a result as opposed to a prerequisite, is more skill and ability based. This type of confidence is not something you inherently have. It’s something you build and gain.
Beware of the learning myth.
I hear over and over from business owners that once they attend more classes, they will feel more confident. Maybe if we could talk about it more on a coaching call, they will feel more confident. Once they finish the two books recommended by a friend they will feel more confident and be ready to take action.
NO! That’s not how this works.
Sure, learning skills is important and will make you better at your craft. I am very learning based, read tons of books and take classes consistently. My experience is that learning alone will not improve your confidence. It might help you find the courage to take action, but rarely will it give you confidence.
Reading a book about public speaking doesn’t make you a confident speaker. Speaking does.
Taking a class on sales doesn’t make you a confident sales person. Selling does.
Talking with a coach about being visible doesn’t make you more confident. Being visible does.
Courage then confidence.
Think about when you learned to ride a bike. Did you have a lot of confidence to start with?
If you’re like most of us, you started out with some apprehension. Riding a bike comes with the inherent risk of falling—hitting the ground and potentially getting hurt.
The same is true with any new venture you set out on—a new career path, starting a business, starting a relationship or a family. Those all come with risks of failure or being hurt.
You didn’t require confidence to put your feet on the pedals and go. What it took was courage. It’s the same with any new endeavor you face. If you wait until you feel confident, you’ll be waiting forever. It’s courage you want to tap into. It’s being willing to do something even though you feel fear or there’s a risk of failing or getting hurt.
You were courageous and took action in the face of fear. What did you learn?
For starters, you learned you can handle it. You learned what worked and what didn’t. You can make adjustments and once again, find the courage to do it again. It’s the practice and experiences that give you confidence. Along the way, there’s bound to be obstacles. Maybe something in your path or some unknown terrain, but you fight your way through. With every obstacle you overcome, you build your confidence.
As with riding a bike, when you start or learn something new in life, confidence is not innate. Confidence is the result that comes with practice and experience.
In the words of A.A. Milne, “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
If you want to talk about strategies to build courage, tackle new challenges and build your confidence, let’s talk! Email me at lauren@coachwithlauren.com.